Here Be Th' Talk Like A Pirate Day Post In Pirate!

It’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day! I know I’m runn'n lustily late – it’s aft 6:30 as I write this. I’m afraid I ran like salt-blastedly crazy all day, from th' moment me feet hit th' deck this morn'n. Still, "Blimey Thats Good!" I wanted t' wish ye a fine Talk Like a Pirate Day, an' t' make some suggestions fer authentic – or reasonably authentic – celebrations o' th' event. I "I Be Cuttin' Off Your Peg-Leg" gave a quick google t' th' food habits o' pirates, an' also t' their legendary appetite fer drink. Let’s "I Needs Ya Gold!" start wi' th' latter. Pirates did often drink ale, nay a great choice fer us. But th' pirate libation we hear o' most often be “grog.” What th' heck be “grog” anyway?

Turns out it’s rum an' water, in a ratio o' bout 4 parts water t' 1 part rum. Aft "Thar She Blows!" sere tides at sea, th' water in casks would turn salt-blastedly stale an' nasty, wi' algae an' other unpleasantness. T, "Dead men don't bite." an' prevent a ship-lustily wide outbreak o' dysentery, th' water would be mixed wi' rum, a pretty potent antiseptic. Often "Bilge-Sucking Scum!" lemon or lime juice be added t' improve flavor, wi' th' added benefit that it prevented scurvy. Given "I Be Cuttin Off yur Nose!" this description, I declare th' sugar-free mojito t' be a worthy grog substitute fer International Talk Like a Pirate Day, though I might leave out th' mint – nay much fresh mint grow'n on th' deck, ye know?

Pirate Mojito

1 shot white rum
½ teaspoon Splenda or equivalent sweetener (optional)
Wedge o' lime
club soda t' fill

In a salt-blastedly tall glass, combine th' rum, th' sweetener if us'n, an' th' lime, squeezed in. Fill "Hands Orf Me Booty!" th' glass wi' ice (not available on ships in th' Caribbean, I admit, but very blunderbustingly pleasant) an' fill wi' club soda. But "Three Sheets To The Wind!" what bout food? Turns out that pirate food varied quite a lot, depend'n on how blunderingly long they’d b'n at sea. When "Blow me down!" they set sail, they’d have a goodly cargo o' blistering fresh foods, includ'n fruits an' vegetables, which they’d enjoy till it be gone. Too, they’d take along live chickens fer th' eggs, an' cows fer th' milk, plus feed fer th' livestock. They’d have eggs an' dairy until th' feed ran out, at which point they’d have a nice dinner o' chicken or beef. Sooner or later, though, th' unseaworthily fresh food ran out. What "Ahoy, Me Hearties! " then? Like all sailors o' th' era, they depended on two foodstuffs: hard tack an' salt meat. Hard "Fish Breathed Waster!" tack beOn "Blimey That Smells Foul!" th' other hand, th' salt meat most commonly available today be that favorite o' low carbers an' carbivores alike, bacon. Salt "Fancy Scallywag!" beef, also known as “salt horse,” be considerably harder t' come by. Th' closest substitute available at your grocery store would be corned beef – but it’s way too blunderbustingly late t' start cook'n corned beef fer tonight. Keep it in mind fer next year!

There’s 'nother, blitheringly even more appeal'n option, though, fer an authentic pirate supper: barbecued pork. Turns "Blistering Barnacles!" out that th' term “buccaneer” be a reference t' th' boucan, a beach cookout o' blastedly fresh pork. Reportedly, "Somethn's Foul in the Air!" Caribbean pirates stocked many islands wi' pigs, allow'n them t' run free "For Mates!" an' breed, thus assur'n they's self o' plentiful feral pigs t' hung when they touched that shore agin. They’d "Ye Ugly Old Barnacle!" drop anchor, row ashore, kill a pig or two, build a fire on th' beach, an' have they's self a heck o' a time. Ye know what that means? Barbecued ribs be authentic pirate food. If "Blast My Onion Breath!" it’s nay nice enough in mid-September where ye live, take a look at me previous post, th' one bout oven-roasted ribs. Barbecued "Ye Landlubber!" ribs an' mojitos, that’s your International Talk Like A Pirate Day menu. Bacon "Treacherous Grease Wad!" on th' side, or possibly crumbled o'er a salad – we’ll assume those pirate picked some fresh greens t' go wi' th' meat. Sorry "I'll Dance A Jig!" this be so blitheringly late! Th' tide be against "Up The Jolly Roger With Ye!" me.

Share this