That Nice Boy I Married and I spent New Years Eve watching the third episode of Mad Men, which we're just getting into. (It's pretty much the story of my father's life; he was a Madison Avenue ad exec in the 1960s and '70s. No spoilers, please!) When that was over, and it was still hours till midnight, we popped in a VHS I'd picked up at the Goodwill, a cheesy old monster movie called "Gorgo."

Like Godzilla, Gorgo is a giant dinosaur-like monster from the sea, only with kinda cute waggly ears. He's found off the coast of an Irish island, captured, and taken back to England as a circus attraction. Only it turns out the 30 or 40 foot dino with the glowing red eyes is a newborn. Two hundred foot tall Mommy comes looking for him, and is she ever pissed! Much stomping of London landmarks ensues.

So why am I telling you about this? Because Gorgo made me think about low carb nutrition. Okay, almost everything makes me think about low carb nutrition, I admit it. But here was my mental connection: When Mama Gorgo shows up in London, stomping passersby, walking right through Tower Bridge and knocking down Big Ben, the hapless humans try everything to stop her -- bullets, massive electric shock, missiles, you name it. They try everything, that is, except the one obvious thing that would (and eventually does) solve the problem: Give Mommy Gorgo her baby back. I sat there shaking my head, unable to suspend my disbelief that the English government would mobilize the armed forces just to protect a circus's right to continue with a display that was causing total havoc, not to mention massive loss of life and property.

I'm over-analyzing, I know, and I love old horror movies, however dopey they may be. But here's my mental connection: 99% of the world is like the British government in this movie when it comes to health: They're doing everything, everything they can think of, to lose weight and solve our various health crises -- heart disease, high blood pressure, rampant fatigue, diabetes, Alzheimer's, etc. Everything, that is, except the one thing that would actually solve an overwhelming number of these problems: Going back to the "factory specified" human diet, low in carbs, devoid of processed sugar, and virtually devoid of grains. They're trying every kind of exercise, they're taking vast numbers of prescriptions, not to mention non-prescription stuff like Xenadrine, they're injecting insulin, they're getting their digestive tracts operated on, they're eating low fat, avoiding red meat and egg yolks, chowing down on fiber-enriched junk food and fancy probiotic-laced candy bars.

But suggest people simply stop eating garbage, and you hear "Oh, that's unrealistic. That's too hard in today's world. You can't expect people to do that. It's unhealthy to be too rigid about diet!" Maybe, maybe not; I live in today's world, and I just haven't found it that onerous, and I'm definitely healthy. But the bottom line is that just like massive firepower wasn't going to deter Mama Gorgo until she got her baby back, all that exercise and medication isn't going to rescue us from the "diseases of civilization" until we remove the thing that's messing up our bodies to begin with.